Long Walks…

In a world of several hundred billion people, we sometimes choose to make our journeys alone. When you feel like everything is against you and no one understands your needs. No one cares. And no one will love you the way you wanted to.

Sometimes…you wish you can just hibernate for a while, the way bears do…and wake up in the spring where the sun shines beautifully and the flowers all bloom warmingly against your eyes.

It gets you holed up in your own head. It confuses. It stains. It hurts that out of the billion people on earth, no one can ever understand you. No one can ever walk with you on your journey. And no one will love you enough to end all the madness inside…

Days will pass. The trees may wither. The seas will ripple…but people will remain what they are…who they are…why they are…and they will never change. Not for you. Not even for themselves.

There will be days where you will meet someone along the journey. She may walk with you for a while. She will talk about her life and her achievements, her excellent career and overwhelming wealth…but once you start talking yourself she just runs away, looking for her next show-and-tell.

Twenty-two miles, and my legs are getting tired from this journey.
The way i see it. I’ll be ending it the same way i started it. Alone…

One ‘Pixel’ simply isn’t enough…

How I wish there are more of “me” in this world. So many things to do, so little time to do it all. Time just isn’t helping matters at all. You feel like your brain’s filling up with more and more ideas by the day, it ought to have exploded in an instant. If only I could do a kagebuunshin, or maybe use shunpo to speed things up a bit…I dunno. Ideas are wasting away, and my memory is lagging behind. What must one man do?

I Write…

i write when im angry
i write when im sad
i write when im frustrated, laid down
beneath the ground until all life is drained from me

i write when im alone,
when im held against the wall, drained and gagged,
framed by a solitary ray of light from nowhere

i write when im confused
i write when im down
i write when i feel betrayed, abandoned by whosever guiltless faces that surround me

i write when im hurting
i write when im helpless
i write when i need to,
or have to, like it can’t be helped

…for fear of self-imprisonment, self-pity, doubt

i dont want to be a prisoner of my own monster
so this is what i do…

i write it all here, somewhere, anything
writing is the only outlet i have

im scared…scared of what could happen

i write because i fear…

i write..

FACING the Faceless: Understanding Paranoia

Paranoid Personality Disorder is characterized by a distrust of others and a constant suspicion that people around you have sinister motives. People with this disorder tend to have excessive trust in their own knowledge and abilities and usually avoid close relationships. They search for hidden meanings in everything and read hostile intentions into the actions of others. They are quick to challenge the loyalties of friends and loved ones and often appear cold and distant. They usually shift blame to other people and tend to carry long grudges.

Symptoms of Paranoid Personality Disorder:
Unwillingness to forgive perceived insults
Excessive sensitivity to setbacks
Distrustfulness and excessive self-reliance
Projection of blame onto others
Consumed by anticipation of betrayal
Combative and tenacious adherence to personal rights
Relentlessly suspicious

Hello WordPress!

Welcome to my new hot-off-the-bun WordPress Blog. I hope you’ll enjoy browsing through my new home here at WordPress as much as you did on my Blogger account. Nothing will change, except a few tweaks here and there. I’ll try to bring in my existing widgets if this site permits it. That’s it for now and have a good day!!!!

Gaming Psychology

Source: Wikipedia

I did a search on the net for articles regarding human behavior towards online gaming, particularly that of MMO’s. Here’s what i’ve found.

“Since the interactions between MMORPG players are real, even if the environments are not, psychologists and sociologists are also able to use MMORPGs as tools for academic research. Sherry Turkle, a clinical psychologist, has conducted interviews with computer users including game-players. Turkle found that many people have expanded their emotional range by exploring the many different roles (including gender identities) that MMORPGs allow a person to explore.

A Second Chance at Redemption

I’ve never really had a genuine confession in church before. Not from lack of trying, but I felt i could always reach out to Him wherever I am, whenever I needed to. With that being said, permit me to share one confession with this blog post…

The Lord’s Prayer

Forgive me father for I have sinned. Yesterday, while i was reading something on the net, there was a note on it saying I should recite the Lord’s Prayer and Three Hail Mary’s. To be honest it was a chain letter and although, being the usual skeptic that I am, normally i would’ve dismissed it right away. But then again a little prayer wouldn’t hurt, eh?

Well apparently, it did, at least on my Christian pride. Halfway through it i just jumbled up the wrong words and often repeating mistakes i shouldn’t have made. It’s a shame. But it made me realize how neglectful I’ve been as a Christian. Not attending mass at Sundays…Not even able to recite one decent Hail Mary…

My shortcomings are inexcusable. I have all the time in the world to pray and go to church. Yet here I am.

I used to make promises to Him…that I would visit Him often…only to end up breaking them and adding more to my sins.

So now I make no more promises. But it wouldn’t make any difference, dun-nit? I’m still here, passing on the days to when I would wake up and just forget the only Father that i had.

I’m not proud of myself. I’m not proud of my sins. But the chain letter that brought me to this realization made me think…He still cares much about me that I owe Him one more chance at redemption…

Wars Come and Go…

 New forum for ‘Elysium’ now up and running. >> Elysium Clan Message Boards

Why we are here…

Saw this post from GM T’s blog >> GM Tristan

Heck, I felt all bloggers should answer this.

5 Reasons why I blog:

1. I love writing - only been a writer in a school paper…but i’ve always been one by heart ever since i read that magical book called Harry Potter. As a writer, it’s great that more and more of us are getting out there, with blogging as a new tool.

2. Letting go and sharing new ideas - it’s always been my purpose,and im sure all of you feel the same way. shame blogging wasnt invented on Einstein’s time, we could’ve learned a lot more from them.

3. Freedom to express - i used to bottle up frustrations without letting it all off. blogging makes a convenient outlet for it. that’s what writer’s do dunnit? release it all on writing. then start a fresh leaf. a new fold. Here we can just be ourselves and just let go…

4. Globalization – the world is getting smaller with blogging. people from all corners are getting in touch with others. connecting. sharing. living. that’s blogging.

5. Meeting new people – you know how people are closer in the net than they are actually in real life? To be honest, ive found some of my bestest best friends in the net. i also got the chance to meet cool new people. great people actually.