Agent of the Month. Haha! I wouldn’t believe it the first time my boss said it to me. But what a leap! And I don’t mean to brag or anything. But you have to give me some credit. Because it’s such a sudden twist from being the least-performing agent in my team to turning out to be the top agent for the entire month of April, not just in my team but counting all the other teams. Now, how’s that for a resolution?

To my sweetheart,

I was planning to write here last night before getting some shut-eye. I was hoping you’d text me back right away so we could talk about things that happened during the day, when I was still at your house. I was waiting ’til 12:30am hoping you’d get back to me but my phone just remained silent. Your last text was at midnight, and during that 30 minute span of waiting for your reply, I felt lonely again.

Or was it just the steady rain egging me on….

I know lately I’ve been asking too much from you. You may not understand why, but I was always craving for your attention, your comforting words. Even a simple text message from you could lift me off the ground. (Don’t laugh, I meant that figuratively.) It just came to that point when I wouldn’t let my phone away from me for longer than 30 minutes, just so I wouldn’t miss a buzz from you. I would even bring it in the bathroom with me whenever I can. You may think I’m obsessing too much on you.

But isn’t that what ‘Love’ is….?

…to put yourself in a situation where you really couldn’t think of anything or anyone else, except the object of your obsession…?

Isn’t that what most writers say…?

Last night you asked why I don’t take the heart-shaped cushion with me anymore when I go to sleep. I don’t think I could anymore. Couldn’t I just take you instead…?

I wonder, does it not sadden you too when you take ‘JJ’ off to sleep…?

If there’s one thing I envy from you, it’s the fact that your love for me is just enough…enough to save some part of it to yourself. It’s a principle most lovers try to keep, and as should be, because without one, without self love, will there even be room for happiness …?

It appears logically sound. But I think, honey, this is where I’m mostly struggling at all throughout this relationship. I loved you too much…too much to care for my own, too much that I keep shrugging off some hurting along the way.
It feels so wrong, too wrong, not because I regretted loving you obsessively, but because I have hurt you many times in the past for it.

I could never equate your love against mine. I could never force you to love me equally. And I would always find myself expecting too much, maybe the same kind of ‘love’ that I was having for you. Except that I wouldn’t want you to. I would never ask you to love me more than what you are giving me already. Maybe my true aim for this letter is simply to try and make you understand the things I’ve been doing. Because I’m not proud of the things I put you through. My love is not normal. And I know, more than anyone else, that you deserve a love that is easy and by-the-book, the fairytale kind, not the overly complicated one.

I’m really sorry honey, for everything…

After about 3 to 4 days of not having to work, I can’t believe i actually miss sitting on this chair and taking phone calls on end. I mean seriously. Here i am sitting on my usual station and waiting for my next call to come in.

Got two calls already since 8pm and I’m still happy with how it went. One caller was not too savvy with computers and he’s pretty vocal about it. I got a bit frustrated because a lot of times i need to repeat myself several times just so he could get my instructions. It was a 50-minute call. I hope my target MPI wouldn’t come crashing out the window because of that.

On the brighter side, my usual joint pains aren’t hurting all too much today. My kneecaps are a bit sore but it’s bearable. Dunno if it’s because of the medicine or prolly that i was just having decent sleep lately. I already made a resolution to myself to get enough rest whenever I come home from work. Just got to that point where I was fed up with grinding for hours on end just playing online games and missing out on other more productive things to do.

You’ll never really realize you have it unless it hits you.  And there’s no preparing for it. In an instant everything could change.  It makes you want to rethink about the kind of life you’ve been living and the mistakes you’ve had in the past. It’s a life-changing moment.  And you see the world in a completely new light. 

And every waking moments you ponder on and on, ‘So it does happen.’

But why this soon…?

Don’t know why I’m putting this blog back online but, I got a new domain up from freedomain.co.nr and it’s actually 100% free. Neat eh?!! Well, I’m still waiting for my account to be approved so here’s hoping I get that my own domain name out of that. soon.

Okay, so it’s been more than a year since my last post. Maybe I’ve been too busy. Either that or I was simply fed up having to write how my life sucked.

But that was before. I welcome the new ME, and the re-opening of this blog, with great positive vibes, discoveries of a once in a lifetime love…

My inspiration to write has always been limited by my ability to feel pain. Yes, pain. Call it a psychological defense-mechanism, a form of release. It’s strange because most writers write out of love, success, discoveries…but seldomly of pain.

Alas, if only I know what it feels to be loved, to have everything, to be free…there’ll be one less lonely blogger in this world.

But what exactly is it to be alone? Or better yet, am I alone…or simply lonely? I have my family and “friends” and quite a few variables actually, but on the basis of being lonely, do numbers matter? How can it when nobody wants you and nobody can ever love you the way you wanted to be. When “friends” call and tell you they need you, you try to be there. You go out of your way just to be there for them. But when the roles switch sides, those “friends” become the variables and they will scatter amongst the bushes like the rabbid squibs that they are.

Alas, it’s a tough battle. Though for some it never was. They will always have their families, or their bestfriends, and they will be there to give you the love and understanding I never had from anyone.

Heroes
Synopsis

Heroes is a serial saga about people all over the world discovering that they have superpowers and trying to deal with how this change affects their lives. Some of the superheroes who will be introduced to the viewing audience include Peter Petrelli, an almost 30-year-old male nurse who suspects he might be able to fly, Isaac Mendez, a 28-year-old junkie who has the ability to paint images of the future…(Click here for the full story.)

Okay, after months of fruitless waiting for new shows to come out, a thrilling new series from NBC finally arrives on Philippine Television. And it ain’t some silly, plotless, and all-for-ratings kind of show. It’s all good stuff and it’s the best thing thats happened since F.R.I.E.N.D.S and Smallville (the two shows that made me the couch freak that I am now).

If you liked the X-Men series, you’ll probably end up liking this even more. It’s not a rip-off. I’ve seen some really lame rips like MutantX (eck, lets not even remotely compare) and all of that cheap ****! This one’s got a lot of juice, new stuff (and heroes, you know…special people with special abilities). A lot is going on. A lot of stories and characters to play with. I love the way the stories are plotted all-together and how the connection between each character develops. The actors have all played their part well . Although my personal favorite is Hiro Nakamura, played by Masi Oka, a Japanese guy with probabably the most important gift amongst the heroes. He and his nii-san’s comic banters adds more flavour to the series. The inclusion of other ethnicities in the show are phenomenal (it adds to the “global weight” that the show aims to impose). Its a first of its kind and its doing the show so much good.

I watched the first 4 or 5 episodes on TV, but am now watching and downloading advanced episodes on torrent. It’s a big file per episode (300MB+) but still its in high-def quality. Yummy. But if you can’t watch or download one on the net, you can still catch it on RPN 9, it airs every Sunday at 8.

And one more thing, if you think Clark’s developmet as Superman in the series Smallville is painfully slow, well, let’s just say heroes here can fly too…

Oh and kudos to Tim Kring for creating such a wonderful story…you make the people at MutantX screw the day they were born!!!

Just want to let everyone know that my thesis is over. Yep, it’s official, and what a relief! After two long semesters of grinding and working out the ins and outs of the project, me and my teammates finally made it through. The panel was fairly moderate. The important thing is that they all know where we stand and what our “project’s” limits are. So no harm done. Anyways, this’ll be old news by the time you read this. I say, I’m just adding more space here and nothing else.